My Violin - Privilege Poem

Un-revised Poem:

Privilege and Oppression Poem

Nearing my fourth birthday,

I quickly outgrew my makeshift violin built of plastic and cardboard.

I was eager to toss away its inability to produce sound,

Its shapeless thin Popsicle stick handle,

And even its wooden stick bow.

Unfortunately the excitement of owning a violin faded fast

It caused me to give up my weekends,

and cast away my disposable social life

My ability to play violin is a privilege

Although unrecognized in the past,

I realize now, it is somewhat an image,

Something to set me apart from the rest

More generally to be used as an advantage

And create passion to be the best

Revised Poem:

My Violin

Nearing my fourth birthday,

I rapidly outgrew my makeshift violin,

built of plastic and cardboard.

I was eager to dispose its inability to produce sound,

Its shapeless thin popsicle stick handle,

And even its wooden stick bow.

The excitement of owning a violin faded fast

It made me give up my weekends,

And cast away my disposable social life

Which at the time—I deemed my first priority.

It’s only now that I realize,

It made me that much more privileged.

My ability to play violin is a privilege

Although unrecognized in the past,

I realize now, it is somewhat an image,

Something to set me apart from the rest

More generally to be used as an advantage

And create passion to be the best.

One of the ideas in the reading that was most important to me would be the "diction." I think vocabulary really does a lot to poems and without interesting words the poem can become very dull. The next important thing would be the "syntax and grammar." I feel like this sets the tone for poems and can really personalize them. The revision part of the reading also made a lot of sense. I like how they said to not consider your first poem a poem, but simply a draft of words that will form a poem. After reading this, it made me open to changing a lot more than I would've. I hope we have more time to revise these poems again!